Dealing With Toxic People

What makes toxic co-workers tick?

But what about toxic co-workers, the types who always seem out to get us? It's no small issue - and just a quick look on Amazon throws up dozens of titles like: Coping with Difficult People: The Proven-Effective Battle Plan That Has Helped Millions Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work,  Dealing with People You Can't Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst, Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job, Since Strangling Isn't An Option... the list goes on and on. 

The challenge of getting on with troublesome colleagues is evidently no small matter, but first we must define toxic behaviour.

Steve Tobak identifies seven types you need to avoid:

1. The person who for some reason feels so threatened by you that they have constructed some paranoid scenario where you're their enemy.

2. The co-worker who takes themselves too seriously and who gets into all sorts of mini dramas.

3. The know-it-alls who always have the answer and who always cut off all discussion and alternative points of view.

4. The people who spend all their time gossiping, organising events, or walking around asking people what they're doing (in other words, anything but work).

5. The co-worker who wants your job.

6. The person who keeps telling the world that they don't really have to work and that they only come in because they love it.

7. The passive aggressive type who is stubborn, "forgets" to do things, complains, puts things off and who is constantly making excuses and turning up late.

Other commentators break it down even further. 

There's the hater, the sort who tears down everything (the boss, the help desk, the canteen, and you). No one is safe. Often they don't do it to your face but it comes out in snide little remarks and asides. They just hate the world.

Then there are the different sorts of slackers.

You know the type, the space cadet who sits staring at the computer screen wondering what they're going to do next, the snob who feels certain kinds of work are beneath them and the excuse maker who always comes up with some reason for not getting things done: their kid/cat/parent is sick, the computer has crashed, they have a virus etc.

And then there is the most dangerous type, the strategist and political game player. That's the sort who hides their agendas behind a mask of good intentions, compliments, co-operation and feigned helpfulness but who is playing people, getting them to do what he or she wants.

Goal Setting – The ABC's of Dealing With “Covert” Toxic People «

Life is great and finding the power and potential in ourselves is even greater! We overcome obstacles every day as we become more aware of ourselves and our passions… so why do some people seem to linger in a negative place so much of the time? These people, these “toxic” people, are like a virus that spreads through our thoughts. I see two types of toxic people in the world: the negative, needy toxic people and the aggressive, angry ones. I discuss these people at length in my U&L program and I’ve given them the names CovertToxic (negative, needy) and OvertToxic (aggressive, angry). Today, I’m discussing ways to deal with the CoverToxics.

We all know them, these  CovertToxics. Some of us have ways of dealing with them and some of those ways work, some don’t.  Some CovertToxics are bright and intelligent folks with good people skills and wit and who are quite likable, yet they still get caught in the drain of their own self doubt and misery. Possibly the worst trait CovertToxic people exhibit is their relentless efforts to pull you into their stories. They are sponges of distraught and pity.

Case Example :

CovertToxics tend to have a string of stories, never just one. It’s like a laundry list of “let me tell you all that is wrong and unfair”, and it seems like you aren’t allowed to have a conversation with them until they go through the list. For example, a conversation I recently had with a  CovertToxic went like this (this is not a client, just an acquaintance) :

She called me. I answered the phone, “Hello”. ” she says and then she continues…